Home » , , » Loyalty Check 101: The Art of Keeping the Presidency

Loyalty Check 101: The Art of Keeping the Presidency

Written By David D'Angelo on Monday, October 15, 2007 | 10/15/2007

With the recent controversies involving Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and with Gov. Ed Panlilio of Pampanga admitting that the President through an aid gave him an envelope containing 500,000 of cold cash for "baranggay projects", it makes us wonder what keeps the supporters of a president like PGMA stay.

Well this article will try to examine this and in our humble way present to you our own First 10 Guide to Loyalty Check 101.

1. Give them Gifts and Funds for Projects. Call your loyal allies to a meeting in Malacanang and offer each Congreemen 70million in pork barrel. Then give each governor 500,000 pesos for their "priority projects". Be watchful however of a former priest governor named Ed Panlilio and two other governors from Southern Luzon because they will admit receiving "gifts", which of course you would not like to be known by the public;

2. Put Your Relatives in Congress. The more relatives you have in Congress or even the senate the better. You will have an official speaker in Congress to make you look beautiful and you can have the undue advantage of enacting laws because you have the direct link in congress. That is so clever!;

3. The Generals Knows it All. Put as many retired generals as you can in the cabinet because they will make sure that the military is loyal to you. The thing is for the last two People Power Revolution the key victory element is the military so to avoid getting powered-up by the people make sure they obey their generals;

4. Be A Weatherman. Well don't bother to change your mind to please the people or if new developments arrive. People won't mind anyway. When they say that you are indecisive just tell them that it is for the best interest of the people;

5. Be Small and Be Terrible. Well the saying proves it already that really small is terrible. be strong in all your asctions. Don't care about surveys when they are negative but mention them often when they say good things about you. Surveys are only useful if they can advance your goals;

6. Organize Your Autobots. be sure to have lots of Optimus Prime, Bumble Bee and Autobots in your camp. Those who are ready to depend you and charge everyone like crazy with rebelion and sedition. Be sure they know how to differentiate the different tapes that could be infiltrated by Starscream;

7. No Fear, No Gain. Be sure that all your opponents will think twice before opposing you. Say that you abhore killings of those who are not afraid of criicizing but in reality give recognition to those who maintain the ranks. Mention the accomplishment of the Great General i your State of the Nation Address and inidcate that your administration will not tolerate senseless fear;

8. See No Evil. Ensure that all your workers will ask your permission before talking and speak before a body investigating them. Mesmerize them and maintain one rule in their mind: SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL. But be careful, for Starscream might tap your conversations;

9. Divide and Conquer. Ensure that your enemies will not win the majority in the Senate or Congress. Use your available and not-so-available funds to ensure your victory. Speak with some of your enemies because they might even be a friend after all; and

10. Be Sure that Your Second in Command is a No-No. If you will get a Vice President make sure that people will not want him to be president that way you will leave them with no choice.

Have you thought of more tips for our Loyalty Check 101? Just leave a comment and we will be happy to share it to our students.

Class dismissed!

0 comments: