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My Life Story, David "Shen" D'Angelo

Written By David D'Angelo on Friday, March 21, 2008 | 3/21/2008

This season I would like to share my life story to everyone, especially to those who visit my site regularly. I would like to share this in order to convey a message that there is hope beyond every trials... that there is success beyond failure and that there is light after the dark. Be strong for life is the greatest journey you will ever travel and it is the greatest role that each of us will ever play.

Who is David D'Angelo? Is he as strong as he says he is? Well I dunno maybe yes, maybe not because it all depends on your perspective.
Shen @ 16

On October 16, 1977 I was born seeing only my mom at my side, being with her through the early parts of my life. I was born at Malolos, Bulacan and we used to have a house in Parulan, Plaridel, Bulacan. I even studied at Parulan Elementary School, used to go biking there with the bike being the gift of my grand father, Warren Bates Delano who is in Brazil. I remember the name of the girl was Sally and well she was sort of my childhood crush back then. Mid of Grade 1 we have to move to Barangka in Marikina because as I remember the lot will be sold. So I studied the rest of my Grade 1 and Grade 2 at Barangka Elementary School.




My Life Story Featured at UniversiTV's UTUrn with Donita Rose
Interview is in Filipino

I have very happy moments with my mom though she had a very short life and had died of cancer when I was 5 years old. I felt sad somewhat knowing that I will be left with my Ninang who is the sister of my grandmother. My "Ninang" used to discipline me with the so called "dos por dos" whenever I had a small and to think of it silly mistakes like not coming home on time. It was hard to endure considering the pain whenever that wood hit me whenever I could be hited. It was also that time that I realized that I never had a picture of my father.

I asked them who my father was and they told me that he is dead and his name was Jose Collon D'Angelo. I tried to ask them what he looks like but they cannot even produce a single picture of him. I remember at a brink of me being scolded my grandmother told me that my surname was just handpicked from a newspaper/magazine and up to now that always rekindled in my mind. I also learned that my "Ninang" indirectly caused the death of my mother when she asked her to abort the baby that she was conceiving earlier and because it was done wrongly it developed into cancer. She and my grandmother oftentimes even told me that my mom was a whore. Well maybe she they just say that because as my grandfather told me they did not approve most of the time of the man she fell in love with.

During my stay in Marikina the event which could have changed my life forever did happen. I was sexually abused several times by a border of my "Ninang". I do not remember the exact details of what he did with me but all I can say is it was hard for a very young mind to understand and cope with. Luckily in 1986 my grandmother decided to went home to our home town, Atimonan, Quezon.

In Atimonan I studied the rest of my Elementary and because First Honors when I was in Grade III and IV and had honors when I was in Grade V and Grade VI. When I was in Grade IV I cannot forget how we had experienced poverty and lack of financial resources because at that time the coconut industry fell weak and my grandmother had coconut lands which supports us. That time she told me that I can no longer go to school but one day a German visited us and told her that he can send me to school. I lived at the house of the German businessman for a while and I was given utmost care and importance but it was too late when I realized that I was in for another sexual abuse. After a year I succeeded in escaping from yet another nightmare and continued my studies till I graduate Elementary.

I was never a popular guy in Elementary though I have a dedicated circle of friends Manny Escasa and Darwin Saavedra and I even had my first barkada liquor drinking with them when we are in Grade Five. I also had my first sort of sexual awakening with a girl when I was in Grade Five eventhough honestly I was not circumsized till the end of Grade VI.

During Grade V another unforgettable experience occure and I was re-abused anew by our neighbor and this time it is the worst and most intimate of all. All sorts of things which you can think of happened to me though I cannot do anything. For three years I endured this and to tell you the truth it was at this time that I fixated and accepted the things that is happening to me. On the third year I honestly began to enjoy it. I don't know why though. I hate the things that happened to me and the persons that did such things to me. At one time I tried to commit suicide but maybe it was not yet my time and a song saved me... THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL... and yes learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all and If I fauil, if I succeed at least I stay as I believe no matter what they think of me they can't take away my dignity.

And so I moved on to High School. Although I could have studied in the Manila Science High School because I was accepted my grandmother would not allow me because she said I might end up a delinquent. So I entered Our Lady of the Angels Academy. In High School I never really wanted to be in the Honor List though my grandmother pushed me to it because I can never have allowance if I am not in the list. During high school I do had several intimate encounters with my classmates and I feel good about it that time. At the same time I also become engages in my Third Year with excessive drinking and cigarrette smoking. I do smoke 1-2 "kaha" of cigarettes a day.

One day in the middle of that excessive self-abuse I woke up and cannot move my entire body... I was paralyzed. The doctor diagnosed that it was because of excessive cigarrette consumption. Fear of death that time caused me to throw away smoking. At the front of all that I was also a very active staffer of our High Schol publication, OLAA's ECHO and had even run for a post in the Student Council in 3rd Year though I lost heavily. I redeemed my dignity in the student elections in 4th year when against insurmountable odds and unpopularity at the start I emerged victorious in a landslide victory for the Presidency with the help of people which believe in me.

Being the president crafted me to be a true youth leader and with the call of duty I have to sacrifice being a Valedictorian for the cause of the students and in order to evict the Principal that time which had caused so much suffering to the students. I was the first ever student of the school to stand against the system.

Near the end of High School I was again so depressed that I tried to commit suicide but in the nick of lacerating my wrist a song once again touched me... "There's a hero if you look inside your heart, you don't have to be afraid of who you are.". And I told myself... indeed that is true.

After High School I went to Carmona, Cavite and studied at STI-Binan where I learned about Computer Operations though I really wanted to graduate Computer Science. After a year I was called back home to take care of my sick grandmother. There I studied BS Accountancy. My best friend asked me to run for the Presidency of the College but in the end it was also he who betrayed me and was my oponent.. but four years later I become the concurrent President of the Student Council and Editor-in-Chief of the College Publication which turned out as the most fruitful year of those bodies.

In 1998 I end up marrying a girl which I love so much and was the mother to my 3 kids, John Dwight, Helen Cleodara and David Jr. I stop my college and run a computer shop business. But it was a whirlwind marriage after 4 years we end up hating each other and she ended up in the arms of someone else which gave her two children. It was the saddest part of my life though I also had a fallback that time because of sadness I had a bf... though our relationship did not end up good as well.

There were good memories though because my service mindedness did continue. I even run for a position in the Municipal Council though I end up loosing and it is also during this dark times that BROOD was conceptualized and organized. Well if there is also one thing that my ex-wife did not agree on was my public life as a servant and as a leader.

During those difficult years I end up in the bed of various people... I dunno maybe because I am lost and don't know what to do or maybe it is the effect of what had happened in my early life. Luckily Mei was there and saved me from my demise. She took me and accepted everything that is me. With her I finished my course and BROOD flourished. With the help of a lot of people BROOD expanded and served and become the organization that it is now... it is also my source of strength and inspiration besides my kids that is.

The never ending battle though is with myself and with what had been within me since early in my life. I do not know really what love is because I never had a chance to really experience it with my family.

I do not know how to be a real father because I never had a father.

I am a bisexual and my friends though know it and I accept it with all my heart and I am not shy to tell the world about it.

I accepted who I am and I present to the world who David is... a leader who cares for other people and who will always be there to make a difference. I might not be perfect but I assure you that I always do my best in whatever I commit on.

My greatest challenge is love and my weakness comes from the deepest wound that encarcerated me for my whole life.

At present I am serving to make a difference. I am the National Secretary General of Brotherhood of Destiny, Inc. (BROOD), the Chairperson of the Cyber Youth Committee and Region 3 Convenor of the 6th National Youth Parliament, webmaster of the Sustainability Watch Network and other cause oriented sites, and part of Filcode, Inc.

I have high hopes maybe not for myself but for the people that I serve, for my kids and for my country and the world... and I know with my simple contribution and with the help of others I can make a difference.

It is as if problems continue to pour down and people that you have love so much will at some point in your life tend to hurt and break you into pieces. But I am not condemning them nor blaming them for what happenned for I know everything has a reason and a purpose. I will hold on to what I believe in and to what I feel as long as I can and as long as I feel it is right.

This may not be complete or contain all the details about me but I share to you my life or part of it and I accept every bits and pieces of it because I know it is what made me strong and what made me help other people... what made me strong against trials and adversities.

People may pull me down but I am always ready to face them... I might fail but I will never ever surrender.

8 comments:

maline said...

I admire your strength despite all your life adversities. You're such a beautiful person, and truly, God won't give us challenges we wouldn't overcome. I hope you would inspire more people.

God bless!

lovely said...

your courage is amazing. not many people are willing and are strong enough to share theior life's experiences especially as intimate as yours. i hope other people can learn from your experiences and stil come out winners.

Shen said...

Thanks! I have published this story because I just want to convey that we can all become successful in our lives despite our circumstances.

Take care always!

Jena Isle said...

I agree with lovely, you have great courage to come forward and allow people to know about the skeletons in your closet, just so you could help and encourage them.

Indeed, we have are not a failure , not until we give up. My Hats off to you.

Jena Isle said...

that should read, "WE ARE NOT FAILURES UNLESS WE GIVE UP THE FIGHTS.

Shen said...

Thanks and I hope more people will indeed be encouraged... if you want to join and make a difference check out www.broodonline.com

paulo ignacio said...

what did you just to forget those times na nasexualy abuse ka? im also exualy abuse to when i was in grade 6 up to 4th year high schol by someone...

Dave said...

Just be strong and always remember that there is hope... do not dwell on the past... be positive.